On hearing hit song ‘Somewhere Over The Rhondda’ from Merthyr’s sensational play The Wizard of Gurnwah, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s people are said to be demanding guest list entry to newly announced dates of the show, causing a few ruffles in locals’ feathers:
“Andrew who? He can pay for a ticket like every fucker else,” said Steroid Dai from Dowlais.
What started as an AA meeting earlier in the year has manifested into a full-scale theatrical production, the play’s cast were said to have been scouted with use of B&H and flagons of White Lightning – and it’s not only locals who are fighting to the death to get a part in the play:
“Among others, we’ve had Charlotte Church’s PR company on the phone pitching for her to join the chorus. As flattered as we are we had to decline as she’s just not ugly enough,” a spokesperson for the play tells WalesonCraic. Charlotte isn’t too pleased.
The amateur production has received standing ovations for each of its previous shows, with raucous cheering, applause and heckling throughout. It hasn’t all been drunk women and Poppers though – a glass bottle-wielding audience member on the opening night came under fire after shouting out date-rape obscenities with use of The C Word at The Wicked Bitch during her monologue, but what started as a volatile exchange has bloomed into romance and the couple have since been spotted celebrating in Cardiff after receiving their first 4D scan.
Other cast members are reportedly experiencing withdrawal symptoms since the curtain temporarily closed on their show in July:
“I didn’t have purpose before I got the part of a monkey in this fucking brilliant play,” says actor Mad Mick, “I don’t know what do with myself now so find myself wanking off with a banana in my mouth to make the days go quicker until the show comes back in September. You should try it, it’s like a multi-fucking-sensory experience.” Other cast members are still basking in the glory of their newfound fame, often spotted in Merthyr’s Whetherspoons in full costume, offering punters autographs in exchange for a pint.
We wish The Wizard of Gurnwah every success for its future shows and are pleased to announce that we have secured a ticket for our senior Arts & Culture editor at WalesonCraic. If anyone would like to purchase this ticket we will be releasing it on eBay a week before the opening night.
*** The Wizard of Gurwah is on at Theatre Soar starting 8.30pm Friday 25th, Saturday 26th & Sunday 27th Sept 2015***