Last night was amazing.
You were the best. We’re still thinking about it, even now. It makes us tingle right down to the bottom of our toes. And we’re still smiling.
Not only did you put away those pesky English chaps in fine style, but you also put us through to the quarter finals of the Rugby World Cup. You were simply outstanding.
For the days leading up the game, we tried to track down any connection we had to you guys. We started saying things like ‘G’day’ and some of us even went and bought some Castlemaine XXXX (although it’s still in the kitchen in a plastic bag). How dedicated is that?
We changed our Facebook profile pictures to your flag. We called each other Bruce and Sheila. And when you and England took to the field yesterday, you could have sworn that we were Australian passport holders. My God, you were good.
Thank you Australia. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
There is no way of breaking this to you gently.
You’ve done your job. We’ve got what we wanted.
Yes. We’ve used you. But things are not going to go any further between you and us.
We’re sorry. We are over.
And before you say anything, it’s not you – it’s us.
You’ve got one over on us plenty of times over the last few years. We’ve always struggled, especially in the last ten minutes or so. You always find a way to touch down, just as we are thinking that we’re going to do it.
We’ve spoken to World Rugby and they have turned down our request to shorten the length of the match by 10 minutes. They’ve also declined our request to postpone the game until we’ve got all our lads back on their feet. At the rate we’re going, we’ll be calling Aled Jones and H from Steps up to fill our team.
All we’re saying is this – thanks for last night. But that’s as far as the love goes for now.
Call us total rugby sluts if you want but that’s fine. Because we are. And we’ll do anything to win the World Cup.
See you Saturday.