Alex Salmond ‘Crapping His Kecks’ After Realising He Might Have To Actually Run Scotland

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  • Scotland’s First Minister On Brink of History

  • 120% of Welsh People Couldn’t Give a Shit

  • Results Known After Referendum

First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond is reportedly ‘crapping his kecks’ after realising that he might have to actually run Scotland himself in the event of a ‘Yes’ vote.

Salmond, who has dedicated his life on getting an independent Scotland, is on the brink of history as the Scottish public decide today whether to go it alone. But a close friend and ally, Jim McJimbobMcRae, told WalesOnCraic:

“The lad’s shitting himself. He’s suddenly confronted with the fact that he’s moving out of ‘home’ and that he’ll have to start being accountable for his own finances. He hasn’t slept for weeks.”

But another friend told WalesOnCraic:

“He knows what he’s doing. He’s a sensible man.”

It comes as a new poll suggests that 120% of Welsh people don’t give two tosses about who wins the referendum. One member of the public told WalesOnCraic:

“Surely if they go, then that’s more money for us from Westminster? Lovely. I’ll have a bit of that. Thanks butt.”