A&E figures significantly down after pleasant Bank Holiday weekend

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All major hospitals in Wales have reported a surprisingly quiet weekend after the weather turned out to be a lot more pleasant than expected.

It would seem that rather than attempting to do odd jobs around the house and injuring themselves in the process, men and women around the country have instead taken to spending their bank holiday weekend outside.

We spoke to Dr Housain Fixum about the decline in A&E admissions:

“Traditionally, on the summer bank holiday weekend, we get an influx of people who’ve nailed their hand to a piece of plasterboard, drilled through their thigh or managed to embed a whole row of carpet grippers straight through the bottom of their feet. This year however, we’ve seen a sharp decline in the number of admissions from DIY related injuries and a slight increase in the number of people who’ve given themselves mild food poisoning from eating undercooked BBQ sausages.”

The fall in levels of DIY this weekend however is expected to prompt a rise in sharp words being exchanged over the next few months, along the lines of “When are you going to finish that bloody bathroom off!?”