A survey by a Welsh university has concluded that 98% of the world’s population are arseholes, dickheads or cockwombles.
The survey, carried out last month, showed that most human beings are making other people unhappy with their cockwombleness.
Survey leader Timmy Tightarse told WalesOnCraic:
“It’s a huge disappointment to hear that most people in the world fall into one of these categories. Life is hard enough as it is without other people making life harder for us just by being a cock. This time of year is supposed to be a time of goodwill and peace but these cockwombles just keep getting their heads up their arses and making other people unhappy. I’m not really sure what can be done about it either so I’m going to have a cup of tea and shut myself away from the world for a bit.”
The survey collected information from every country in the world and was presented to the world’s waiting media in Timmy’s front room.