35 year manhunt called off as Stig of the Dump found living in Newport

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A 35 year long manhunt has been called off after Stig of the Dump was found living in Newport.

The small Neanderthal-type urchin, who lives eats mammoth and any shit he can get his hands on, was found living in Bettws. Police say they are glad he has been found well.

Brian Turnip, the man who discovered him, told WalesOnCraic:

“I was out walking my dog when he decided that he wanted to take a dump behind Funky Monkey Softplay. There I was, waiting with my poo bag when all of a sudden, I saw something move in the bins. I went to have a closer look and there in front of my eyes was Stig of the Dump. The last time I saw him was when he was on telly. He still looked the same and he smelt like a Biffa.”

A police spokesman said:

“It appears that he has been living off some of the hairy mammoths that live around here, as well as some of the leftovers from the kiddies parties at Funky Monkeys. We have offered him accommodation but he can’t speak a word of English so I’m not sure whether he wants it or not.”