124% of women to spend lockdown with Tom Hardy on CBeebies

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124% of women in the UK will be spending a week of lockdown with Tom Hardy on CBeebies at the end of April.

Hardy will be saving the nation again by reading a series of children’s stories that will make both female and male viewers moist.

A spokeswoman for the BBC told WalesOnCraic:

“We thought we’d give the ladies of our good country something to look forward to at the end of April. We’ve figured the girls and some of the boys need something to keep them going. We thought we’d get Tom back on our tellies so that the girls can sit in their PJs and drool all over him. It’s our gift to the nation.”

One viewer said:

“I’m going to get in two bottles of Blue Nun, a shitload of chocolate and I’m just going to sit there and have a massive throb on. I can’t wait. As far as I’m concerned, my husband can go do one – I’ll be spending my time with Tom thanks.”

One husband was concerned that he’d be left alone during the week.

“What has he got that I haven’t got? Ok, the looks, yes. Yes, and the money. Ok, yes. And the fame. And yes, yes ok. Ok. Well the only positive thing is that he’ll hopefully get my missis in the mood for love and I can take advantage of that when she comes to bed and realises that Tom Hardy isn’t there. I might even wear my Bane mask.”