A school of motoring for white van drivers has opened in Aberdare.
Learner white van drivers will learn how to speed, cut people up at roundabouts and lean out of windows to perv at girls in short skirts.
Manager Darren ‘Daz’ Simpleton told WalesOnCraic:
“White van driving calls for a unique set of skills. This country is crying out for van drivers to perfect the art of driving up people’s arses and that’s where we step in. We take our drivers out on the roads and just tell them to put their foot down. If there’s a car up ahead, we encourage them to get as close as possible to intimidate them. We also specialise in getting our drivers to park wherever they want. Nothing is out of limits for our students – yellow lines, disabled parking spaces and even someone else’s driveway.”
Student Freddie Snippet said:
“I’ve had a white van all my life but up until now, I had no idea I was doing it all so wrong. This new school of motoring has made me a more confident white van driver. The best thing about it now is that I work for someone else so I can drive their van like there’s no tomorrow because it’s not my van.”