World News

Short-arsed people reclassified as tall elves

Short-arsed people across the world have been officially reclassified as tall elves for the festive season.

The announcement comes as Santa’s real elves are busy making toys in the North Pole.

Chief Elf Harry Rosycheeks told WalesOnCraic:

“At this time of year, our usual elves are busy making shit up in the North Pole which means that we naturally have a world shortage at this time of year. To counteract that, we’re upgrading all the short people in the world to tall elves. We will take a review of the situation in January to see where we are with things. Tall elves will have the same powers as usual elves but can dress up in everyday attire if necessary.”

Short-arse Heidi Tippytoes said:

“This is great news for me because I can dress up in an elf costume all day long.”

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