Seagulls across Wales are planning a large-scale invasion of all major cities.
The foul-arsed feathered freaks have been breeding like made over the summer to increase numbers ahead of the invasion.
Seagull specialist Steven ‘Seagull’ Seagal (not the famous one) told WalesOnCraic:
“We’ve not seen anything like this before. Except in my dreams. We’ve been counting seagull numbers over the summer and they’ve increased 700%. That means that they’ve been banging them out at a rate of knots. With our seagull translation devices, we’ve been able to eavesdrop on their conversations and we’ve been able to deduce that they are planning a large scale invasion of our major cities. Cardiff is likely to be the first city to fall because that’s where the Assembly government is and if that goes, there’s going to be no one to coordinate bin collections. If we are not careful, this is going to get ugly.”
Council officials have played down the invasion warning, saying that seagulls will be dealt with appropriately.
“If any of those white bastards comes near my house, I’ll be blasting the twats out of the sky with my shotgun,” said one councillor.