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Female moped theft rises 1500% in hope that Tom Hardy will pin them to the floor

tom hardy

Women across the UK have taken to stealing mopeds in the hope that Tom Hardy will chase after them and pin them to the floor.

Some women have been spotted spraying on Impulse and splashing on Brut ‘Pour Elle’ ahead of their crimes.

One woman, who didn’t want to be identified, told WalesOnCraic:




“God, I’d love to have him on top of me, talking dirty to me. Even just his name gives me an enormous throb-on. After seeing him apparently stopping a moped thief in London, I’ve taken to this crime in the hope that he will come out of nowhere, chase me down the street and pounce on me. I’ll pretend to fight him off but secretly, I’ll just let him do what he wants. While he’s there, I’ll ask for his phone number and ask him if he wants to come to bingo with me on Thursday. There’s a big prize up for grabs that night and I can look into his eyes while he does his dabbing. Sigh.”

Another woman said:

“Christ, I’ve been stealing mopeds all day and the idiot hasn’t appeared once. Knowing my luck, I’ll get some short-arsed copper throwing me over the bonnet of his car. That’s all I need.”


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