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3 million Welsh arses start twitching

3 million Welsh arses have started twitching ahead of the country’s crunch game with Ireland.

It is estimated that 3 million buttholes will be clenched tighter than neutron stars at 7.45pm tonight.

Wales fan Ianto ap Ianto told WalesOnCraic:

“My arse has been twitching since 7 o’clock this morning when I woke up. It’s been quivering all day to be honest. I haven’t been able to eat my breakfast, dinner or tea. I’ve been pacing about my house like a bear in a zoo. I haven’t been able to work, watch telly or even say hello to anyone. If the boys don’t do it tonight, you’ll find me down the pub for the next month.”

Wales could get through to the World Cup playoffs if they beat or draw with Irland and Greece beat Cyprus more than 17 goals and the moon is aligned with Venus and next door’s dog faceshags your mum’s dog and Slovakia lose all their games for the next year. Or something.